How Single People Can Visit A Swingers Club?

How Single People Can Visit A Swingers Club?

How Single People Can Visit A Swingers Club

Swinging As A Single Person 

How Single People Can Visit A Swingers Club,

Can I attend events as a single person? 

This was a question I asked myself a while ago when I came out of a long term relationship. When we are looking online, especially within my niche, which is non-monogamous relationships and swinging, we are often confronted with 'couples' events. Or 'couples tickets' or social events where you know there will be predominantly couples experiencing whatever they are there for together. 

Couples, bloody like-minded, let's be weird and kinky together couples. 

But, what if you, like me, have no desire to be part of a couple? Or what if you are part of a couple but wish to attend events on your own?

After all, not everyone's partner is into the same thing

How do you successfully navigate the world of kink events, social meets or even parties as a single person? 

Sometimes we all look to our partners for support, especially when the activity in question is nerve-wracking. But when we don't have someone there with us, is it still ok to attend events? For me, especially when I participated in BDSM events with a partner, I put a massive amount of trust in him as this was the dynamics of our relationship. 

One of the most important things to remember is to take hold of your fantasies and desires and things you want to make happen and make them happen

Would I still be able to attend these events as a single girl? And how was I going to navigate them as a solo participant? 

I had met single men and women before in swinger clubs, and on some occasions, I played with them, and each time, especially when I met the women, I was in awe of them.

But was it right for me? What was I hoping to get out of it? And would I be emotionally strong enough to deal with it? Attending events as a single person is not for everyone. Still, I hope that after I share with you some of my insights and experiences, you will be able to determine whether flying solo in the kink world is for you or not. 

How To Be Successful As A Single Swinger  

One of the most important things to remember is to take hold of your fantasies and desires and things you want to make happen and make them happen.

How Single People Can Visit A Swingers Club

If something is important to you, as I'm sure many things are, then go and seek them out. Sure, I understand that there are activities you may want to experience with someone, and I totally get that but trust me when I say this, don't let anyone or anything prevent you from having experiences that you as an individual want to explore. I think all too often; it's easy to fall into the trap of allowing another person to facilitate our desires. Yes, support from our partners is important, but if it's important to you, then make sure you act on it! 

Swinging For Men And Women 

From kink and BDSM events to socials and talks, going it alone is scary

It's important to remember that although both single men and women can attend events, how they are received in the swinging world is quite different. There's not an awful lot of room for single males, and this in itself is quite off-putting. Guys will have to jump through a lot more hoops, especially when visiting kink or swinger events. And although many parties or events claim to be inclusive of all genders, single men still get a hard time. On the other hand, women are better received but have to be emotionally healthy to deal with solo play.

Men have an advantage over women in this department, as they can have sex without feeling as much emotional attachment. It's not always as easy for women who tend to form emotional bonds with people they have sex with. This doesn't make them weaker or wrong. It's just how we are wired up as humans!

So let's have a look at how you can become successful when flying solo, starting with the boys. 

Single Men Wanting To Get Involved In The Swinger Lifestyle  

I'm not a man; however, having had many conversations with men both at parties and events, like this one, and in regular life, I can give you a pretty good insight into what it's like. First of all, you need to be aware that gaining access to clubs can be difficult as chances are the organiser will want to verify you are who you say you are and that you understand how to behave inside. Unfortunately, some men think that women attending an event are gagging for it. 

Most event organisers like there to be an even ratio of men to women, so having an excess of single men isn't always in their interest. 

It's not all bad news, though! Some events cater to single men, and if a club is hosting a specific night, then chances are single men will be welcome to attend. However, places will be limited, and the cost could be quite high, so check out the tickets and availability beforehand. Also, you may have to be verified by the hosts before attending, so don't just turn up on the off chance you will be let in! 

If attending private parties, then there are a few niches that single men can quite easily fill. When a couple is in a cuckold relationship, a bull will be invited into their home to have sex with the woman as the man watches. There are a million and one different variations on what can happen between a bull and a cuckold partner, and having sex with the woman is just one idea. 

There are no set rules, but a general theme is that the single guy has sex or engages in sexual activity with the woman. This is one example of the type of event that could be held. 

If you are a single guy and you want to get involved in the alternative lifestyle, there's no reason you can't, but be prepared to jump through a few hoops!  

I have had to overcome my fears and reservations and navigate my way through all kinds of situations as a single woman.

What It's Like Attending A Swinger Party As A Single Woman

Single women are a bit of a rarity. And I, for one, can completely understand how attending events as a single woman is a huge step and very daunting indeed. From kink and BDSM events to socials and talks, going it alone is scary. Luckily for you, being a single girl and attending events as a single girl is something of a speciality of mine. I have had to overcome my fears and reservations and navigate my way through all kinds of situations. Being realistic and trusting your instincts goes a long way. 

An open mind is a must! It's not a requirement for women to be bisexual, but in my experience, the single girls I have met have all identified as Bi. It is kind of a given that if you're interested in the lifestyle, you are happy to play with couples. 

How Single People Can Visit A Swingers Club

There are definitely advantages to attending events as a single girl, the main advantage being that most places charge a lot less for single girls to visit and some don't charge at all! Also, the entry isn't as strict for single girls, and most places actively encourage female members! Sometimes you will still need to be verified by the event organisers, but this is just a matter of protocol to check your ID. 

Although this all sounds pretty peachy, there are a few negatives about going it alone as a single woman. 

It can be hard to strike up conversations with couples, as many couples who attend events only want to meet other couples, not singles. Sometimes couples can view single people, both men and women, as a threat, but I'll share some advice on this later on. 

The Downside Of Attending A Swingers Club As A Single Person 

If you approach a couple in a club or at an event and they reject you, that's fine. Accept it and move on.

Learning how to handle rejection is something that we all have to deal with. It doesn't matter how long you have been involved in the scene or what your circumstances are; at some point, you will face rejection from other people. 

There is no point getting upset or frustrated at being rejected; it simply means that the dynamics weren't right. I would much rather play with those completely on board rather than those that perhaps weren't entirely comfortable. By being rejected, it means you can seek out people who you are compatible with. Handling it with grace is the best thing you can do. 

If you approach a couple in a club or at an event and they reject you, that's fine. Accept it and move on. 

Are Swinger Clubs Safe For Single Women?

Another question I am asked frequently is; 'are swinger clubs safe? I want to attend as a single girl? What should I be concerned about?'

Understandably, safety is paramount when single women are looking to attend an event. You don't want to be getting down to it and be looking over your shoulder, concerned about what's happening around you. 

Luckily, event organisers are safety conscious, and they work hard to create a relaxed and safe environment for all their guests. The last thing they want is for people to feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

Of course, you should always practice safe sex and have your own rules and boundaries that you follow when playing with people. Don't be afraid to state what you are and aren't ok with. 

If you find the prospect of attending a swingers club a daunting one, approach a woman in a couple. If it's your first time, explain that you're not looking to get involved directly and would like to chat whilst you familiarised yourself with your surroundings and got comfortable. Again, you're shifting the focus away from the end result. Always ask the host or organiser for a tour of the club and or play space when you arrive so you can familiarise yourself. 

  • Never be coerced into sex, swinging or any type of play you are not comfortable with. Know what you like and want and stick to it. Just because others may enjoy group sex or FF action, it doesn't mean you should feel pressured into it. 
  • If the party is BYOB as opposed to having a bar, then pour your own drinks. Many clubs have fridges where you can store your own alcohol. Know exactly what's in your glass before you drink it. I follow this rule, even now! 
  • Wear whatever you feel comfortable in! Some women strip off, some don't. Some get changed halfway through the night. The choice is entirely up to you. Some people take a change of outfit, there's no hard and fast rule, some events do insist on following a dress code so check them out beforehand with the organisers. 
  • Accept rejection gracefully and don't let it put you off. We all face rejection from time to time, and it never gets easier! The only thing you can do is accept it and move on. Trust me, couples have rejected me, as have single people in the past, and the best course of action is to brush it aside! 
  • Take time out to reconnect after any event. Consider what you enjoyed, and perhaps what you didn't? Run a deep bath and soak in the bubbles. It's so important that you reconnect with your own emotions and body.  

Staying Safe For Men And Women In Swinger Clubs

Staying safe at events is, of course, a topic that shouldn't be overlooked. 

How Single People Can Visit A Swingers Club

Always, always introduce yourself to the hosts or any party or social. A good host will introduce themselves first, and if it's your first time, show you around. Always establish your rules and boundaries first, what are you happy with, and stick to them. If you feel you are being pushed into something, then stop. Remember that the event organisers are there for you throughout the event; it's their job to keep people safe. Don't hesitate to approach them. 

I've never experienced any situations where I've felt intimidated or unsafe and I've been doing this a longgg time! 

If you are attending a smaller event, like a house party, or a private meet, as a single person, I always recommend arranging a vanilla date first, whether that's a coffee and a chat or a meet up at a social. 

When it comes down to actually meeting people, I always insist on a more 'public' setting for private play. What I mean by this is a private hire apartment with a concierge or a hotel that's open 24 hours. Again, this is linked to my rules and boundaries. 

Negative Stereotypes Of Single Men In The Swinger Lifestyle

How do I deal with the stigma attached to single males? I think many men feel they are portrayed as greedy sex seekers? 

Firstly, we have to look at what stereotype is being conjured up. After all, why is it that some single men portray the image of greedy sex seekers? Sadly, from my own experiences of parties, I can say that there have been some men who I have encountered who, unfortunately, have fitted this description. The men who lurk in the shadows, waiting, wanking and watching without ever saying a word. If you act like this, I am afraid you will fall subject to being labelled a creepy horny sex seeker. It's these men who sadly have given genuine single males a bad rap.

When you are met with negative stereotypes, challenge them.

I know that not all men who attend events act like this, and they certainly don't want to be tarnished with the same brush. So how do we change this stereotype? 

You rise above it and demonstrate that yes, you're at an alternative event, and yes, you're a single guy, but no, you're not overtly horny and desperate to have sex with everyone. 

You have standards, and you are willing to jump through a few hoops in order to attend a party. You can hold a great conversation; you're charismatic, you're fun, you're flirtatious. You are a real catch, and you would never lurk outside a curtain in a fetish club on the off chance of getting involved because you don't need to.

When you are met with negative stereotypes, challenge them. If a single guy says to me, 'you think I'm like all the rest? Let me show you I'm different. I would be instantly intrigued.

If you present yourself from the offset as being a cut above, someone who knows what they want, a man who is secure in his sexuality and is confident, how you are perceived either online or at an event will change dramatically. Don't let the stigma define you; challenge it. If people expect you to be one way or another, demonstrate to them that you are the exact opposite. 

What Do People Look For In Single Male Swingers 

I know that being alone at an event is daunting, and approaching couples is scary

It doesn't matter about sexual preferences or how you like to play, what type of kink you are into. The same rules apply to all single males. Regardless of whether you are a Dom, a Bull, a Submissive or non of the above! 

Safe sex and safe play should always be a priority. Yes, there are couples and singles out there who do enjoy bareback intimacy, but never make this assumption. Using condoms and having them to hand is just good practice, always play respectfully and safely! 

It's imperative to remember serious swinger couples are part of a team and should be approached as one. I have seen guys waiting for an opportunity to approach the woman in private (often when she is on the way to the bathroom or at the bar) to suddenly decide that this is the perfect time to engage in conversation with her. Whilst she is away from the clutches of her husband or boyfriend. Guys, this technique isn't going to work. Show some respect to both parties, and don't do this! If you want to get involved in a scene with a couple, you have to be prepared to talk to them both, not just the woman. Be respectful, always.

Odds are, she will return to her partner only to recall how she was just approached by 'some guy'. Don't be that guy! I know that being alone at an event is daunting, and approaching couples is scary; you don't want to get rejected, but you will gain a lot more respect from people by approaching them both. 

Advice For Single Male Swingers

Instead of diving straight in with sex talk, ask them about what experiences they have had in the alternative lifestyle as a whole? What do they enjoy outside the world of kink? And how long have they been together as a couple? What can you bring to their kink lifestyle? What boundaries do they have, and what kind of relationship dynamic is present? It's essential to build up a rapport and establish trust. All too often, single guys get their approach all wrong, and this lands them with nothing.

Advice For Single People In The Swinger Lifestyle

Recently, I wrote an article titled Can Single Men Visit Swinger Clubs? In this article, I gave my ultimate advice for single guys who want to approach a couple. Because I'm kind, I'll repeat it here, and it's not just for men. Women can use this technique, as can couples when approaching new people. 

When you're at an event, and you see people you like the look of, perhaps it's a BDSM play party; for example, before you even go and talk to them, you need to shift the focus away from the end result! 

What do I mean by this? By shifting the direction, you take the pressure off yourself and can relax and engage with them naturally.

This really works by the way! Stop thinking and overthinking about the outcome, and just enjoy chatting. If you present yourself as an outgoing, chatty, confident person, who doesn't even mention the word sex, or kink, or scene, then you will get much further!

Why? Because you demonstrate to them you are secure; you are outgoing; you are approachable. If they like you, which I'm sure they will, their minds will already go somewhere more intimate. You have to show them you aren't like the other attendees; you have confidence and charm. And that, my friends, is very sexy indeed! 

Think this won't work? I have used this technique myself when approaching men, women and couples, and you know what. Bingo! 

How To Be Confident When Attending A Swinger Club As A Single Person. 

A lot of the events that I have attended, both in the swinger world and the kink world, have a no mobile phone rule. This is fine, as the last thing you want is people filming you or potentially taking pictures; however, we all know that we tend to use our phones as a crutch. 

Get into the habit of talking to everyone, regardless of whether you find them attractive or not.

We use them to busy ourselves and, especially when we feel nervous and out of our comfort zone, they provide us with entertainment or a distraction. So what happens when that's taken away from us? What happens when we don't have that familiar social feed to comfort us? What happens when we are surrounded by strangers? 

The first thing you should do is get into that mindset of 'I deserve to be here, and I'm going to tailor this event, party, or whatever it is to how I want it.' Remember that you and you alone are in charge of your experiences, who you meet, who you socialise with, who you don't, what you experience. You are brave, bold and don't need anyone to accompany you. So, with this mindset firmly in place, think about how you present yourself. Don't be tempted to scuttle in and find a dark corner or stick yourself to the wall. 

Breeze in, with your head held high. And smile. Don't display any closed-off body language, don't cross your arms over your body, sit in a relaxed and open posture, with your wrists facing upwards. Get into the habit of talking to everyone, regardless of whether you find them attractive or not, display that you are friendly and approachable to each and every person there. Even if you usually would never be this sociable, you will soon relax into the event by getting in the habit of making conversation and being polite and friendly.